Matt's Peace Corps Journal: Focusing on the Good

Before I start, I just want you all to know I can cross off what was possibly the most challenging goal on my list. Yes that's right, I successfully cooked a PERFECT pot of rice! Even though it was just a little pot, it was soft and fluffy and not a single grain was scorched. If I can do that, I can do anything.

Time here at my site has become what in the back of my mind I was secretly trying to procrastinate. But, there is no denying it now. What I'm doing every day is - Full. On. Work. Not the easy, leisurely work I imagined as a volunteer, but full-time, stress-filled, dedicated work. I love it, but I sure am tired at the end of the week. This school year, I've taken on the full responsibilities of a Filipino teacher and then some. Arriving to school every day before 7:30 and staying until 6:00. Managing 5 classes and three after school clubs. Plus developing a remedial course while tutoring two students after school. My week is booked solid, and I didn't realize how busy I've been until today when I realized it was the first day I've had to myself in the past two months.

For the most part, I feel increasingly more accomplished than those first few months of service. I'll admit there were days when I was wondering how much good I was actually doing, if my service would even make the tiniest bit of difference. There were times I felt my community didn't appreciate all the work I had been doing. In fact, there were days I wanted to shout, "Hey! I'm a volunteer. There's nothing holding me here because I'm hear on my own free will! I'm dong more work than you and I'm not even getting paid for it!"

I'm sure other volunteers have had similar thoughts. They creep up on you and it's easy to dwell on them and let them worm their way into your head. It was scary how fast it happened and I had to constantly remind myself of the reason I came here in the first place.

When school started, I was afraid it would bring the same stress as last year. The first week was frustrating because the kids wouldn't behave. It's hard to find that balance sometimes between "friend" and "teacher," and I was having a really hard time trying to keep class fun, while holding the respect of the students.

There was one day, when it was just too much. Two periods in a row of misbehaving students and I slumped into a chair in the office while waiting for the coffee to heat. Two other teachers were also in the office gossiping about their classes. All our class sections have names, and in this case, they were upset with the Dhalia class's behavior. Finally, one of them proudly stood up and declared, "Dhalia, you are not enough to ruin my day!"

What a wonderful phrase! It was at that moment I realized that the negative thoughts I had been thinking only bother me because I let them. Since then, it has become my personal slogan to myself. When there is something that would bother me, whether it be students or co-workers, I just smile at them and think life's too short for you to ruin this day for me. It also opened my eyes to all the students who are behaving and the teachers who do care. It's sad that out of a group full of good people, it just takes one to create a bad impression of the whole. Thankfully I have come to see the good impressions before the bad ones. Seeing the good in other people makes life easier on yourself.