Filipino Haircut

June means the start of school and it also means every student and teacher in the Philippines will be making the trip to the barber to get a haircut, myself included.

Getting my haircut is one of my favorite things to do here for several reasons:

•      A haircut typically costs between 30-50 pesos. That’s around $1.
•      The barbers use enormous scissors like you would use to sheer a sheep.
•      They take their work very seriously, methodically shaping your head like it’s a piece of art.
•      Afterwards they crack your neck or give you a short shoulder massage.

Local hole in the wall barber shops usually consist of 2-6 chairs lined up between mirrors similar to what you would see in the U.S.  There is sort of a menu of options you ask for. For example, “High Cut” will leave you with short hair on the sides and a crew cut on the top. “Siete” or “Seven,” will make your hair flat on top and straight down the neck like the shape of a seven. “Calbo” or “Bald” will leave you bald, while “Semi-Calbo” will leave you with a buzz cut.

I’ve had my hair cut maybe a dozen times since being in country. The procedure is always the same. Walk in give my order, and walk out a new man. The weekend before the first day of school left me searching for the barber with the smallest line out front its doors. I walked in and gave the usual instructions.

“Clean cut.” This means just a trim. I get it every time.

“Sir, clean cut?” the barber asked.

“Yes.”

“With electric razor?”

“Yes.” Anyway that is standard procedure. They usually start with the neck. But this time they didn’t.

“Ok sir, clean cut.”

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Right down the middle.

“AYSUS!” I literally shouted and nearly knocked the razor out of his hand. I don’t even know why I said “aysus” I must have been in the country long enough to where expressions just slip of my tongue.

I angrily told him had I asked for clean cut, not “calbo.”

“But sir, this is a clean cut,” he said. I told him he was crazy and he turned to the other barbers who all nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, yes, that is clean cut.”

Sitting there starring myself in the mirror with a bald streak down the center of my head there was only one thing that could be done.

“Just finish it,” I said.

Afterwards I went straight outside and bought a cap and a beanie for fifty pesos. All I could think of was what would I do in two days when I was expected to show up for the first day of school? I went home and stared at myself in the mirror. Eventually I just forced myself to accept it and not to hide it. Anyway people would get used to it eventually (I was wrong on that bit of logic).

Reactions on the first day of school were as to be expected. Jaws hit the floor, students just starred and whispered. Strangely the comments were not what I expected.

“Sir, why did you get calbo?” they would ask. “It is winter.” Apparently it wasn’t the fact that I was walking around with a shiny scalp that intrigued them. It was the fact that only an insane person would choose to go bald at the onset of winter. I explained the story and it became a joke around the school. I laughed along with it and at the interesting names they came up with for me. Mr. Clean, Brue Willis, Vin Diesel. One student said I looked like a chess pawn. Hahaha! Two and a half months later I still only have about an inch of hair. It’s growing agonizingly slow for some reason but hopefully by the time I fly home it will be back to normal!